Monday 28 December

Roy's funeral was at 11.30am on Tuesday, 22 December, at Needham Market Parish Church, and it seemed just right. The body was in a handsome willow casket topped by a Christmas wreath chosen by Helen, and Harry and a couple of friends were among the pallbearers. It was very cold. Travelling conditions were awful in general and varied all over the country, but lots of people managed to join us nevertheless.

The service, taken by the local vicar, included tributes by two old friends -- one personal, the other a business associate (at least to begin with) -- as well as a friend's reading of the poem 'Osso Buco' by American poet Billy Collins that dealt with his love of food. Kate and Harry did Bible readings. Gabriel (10) and Isabel (8) read the short bidding prayers that were (not to be flippant) the star turn of the occasion.

After the service the family drove to Ipswich Crematorium for the committal. This took one and a half hours. Meanwhile, the congregation was invited to the church hall for refreshments. A local friend and favourite caterer oversaw things, aided and abetted by numerous other friends who cooked and/or served food or greeted visitors. There were mugs of hot butternut squash and sweet potato soup or tea and coffee or wine. Savoury pastries and cheese biscuits or brownies, fruitcake and shortbread. Loads of delicious sandwiches and a whole quivering Brie cheese wheel -- something Roy always insisted on for state occasions like Kate and Chris's wedding or his 80th birthday. I think he'd have been well pleased with everything.

Over the last few weeks I have been surrounded by the love of family and friends from all over the place and all periods of my life, thanks to the wonders of the internet in addition to the usual old-fashioned methods of communication. Thanks for all the contributions to Cancer Campaign in Suffolk in his memory. And God bless you. More in the New Year.

Although Roy was diagnosed with prostate cancer when he was 60 and it had metastisised by the 2000s, and although along the way he had picked up a number of other ailments requiring 7 or 8 tablets a day, his chief problem recently seemed to be his knees. He needed replacements but his heart conditions wouldn't allow surgery. He walked everywhere with a Leki walking stick and there were grips all over the house to help him up or down the steps from room to room. And although he spent a lot of time watching chewing gum TV from his reclining chair, he still managed trips to the grocery store and worked at the computer daily dealing with book orders from his website, etc.

So when he fell in the middle of the night on 27 November and ended up in the hospital, we thought it would be dealt with quickly and weren't overly worried. But his condition deteriorated rapidly after the first few days. The death certificate listed sepsis, renal failure and terminal prostate cancer as causes.

He certainly challenged the passing of the light: he took out a 5 year maintenance contract on our recently installed stairlift, and in mid November he signed up for a week's cookery course in Puglia, Italy for the first week of May 2010!

Follow the link below to view the order of service:
http://www.geewizdesign.co.uk/dad/docs/OofS_181209_Layout_01.pdf

13 December 2009

Roy died from renal failure & pneumonia backed up by other problems including prostate cancer. His funeral service will be at 11:30 on Tuesday, 22 December, at the Needham Market parish church, St John the Baptist. Committal afterwards (family only) at Ipswich Crematorium & the congregation are invited to a reception at the Ark (the church hall). For any further details please get in touch with me.

Kate & Harry were with me all last week & they have dealt with all the overwhelming paperwork -- personal & business, all of which he conducted online at a level beyond my very basic competence.

Thanks for your prayers & phone calls, e-mails & cards. They have consoled us immensely, & many of the reminiscences of his ways have brought us considerable laughter. Keep them coming!

December 8 2009

Roy died in Ipswich hospital on Monday, 7 December, after a short illness. Kate, Harry and I were at his bedside as we had been since they came home the preceding Saturday, and he was comfortable and not in pain. They are staying to help me with paper and computer work --indeed, to deal with virtually all of it --over the next few days.

The good news is that when I saw my oncologist on Friday, 27 November (the day after Roy went into the hospital), an x-ray showed that my lung tumour had shrunk a bit and the entire lung looked slightly better. Dr Podd said that I am a miracle.

Needless to say, we have had loving support from all our friends. But we have a long way to go as we haven't received the death certificate yet.

5 November 2009

On the weekend of 24-25 October the family gathered here for my 78th birthday -- 13 months after my lung cancer was diagnosed & I was told Ihad months, not years, to live.

So we really had something to celebrate! The Saturday evening menu was planned in homage to Julia Child (my idea) & featured roast leg of lamb (with quince & rosemary compote -- a treat for Roy) accompanied by baked aubergines stuffed with mushrooms. Dessert was chocolate charlotte Malakoff, a signature dish of mine in New York days, complete with home-made lady fingers. Home-made room decorations included last year's 'Happy Birthday, Julanne' banner, supplemented by a new one reading 'Jule & Julia' plus huge enlargements of the 'Julie & Julia' movie poster with the title altered according to our theme & a photo of me in my late teens replacing Julia's photo.(Confused? See photo at bottom of page.) Everything was wonderfully cooked & produced in great style by Kate & Chris & Helen & Harry.

The celebration continued at Sunday lunchtime, for which Roy's sister, Janet, & her friend Margaret brought steak & kidney pie & desserts plus a birthday cake. And because it was the half-term week (no school), Harry & family could stay on till Tuesday. Since when I have been recuperating from all the excitement.

My wig continues to be very useful, especially on bad hair days. Roy & I both have our regular hospital appointments & are feeling as well as can be expected. The anti-oestrogen tablets are reducing the breast tumour & I see my lung oncologist for a 3-month checkup in late November.

Yesterdayon a so-called health walk, I managed 4.1 miles in 1 hour 40 minutes --my first real walk in over a year. In addition to leaders, these walks (which are organised by the NHS but run by volunteers) have enders, who keep pace with the slowest participants. The walks are usually only an hour, but this was the one on offer on a beautiful November day & I thought I'd give it a try & I'm glad I did, in spite of very sore legs.

23 September 2009

Our brief break in Norfolk was really great, as the hotel -- right on the dock of the saltmarsh estuary full of sailing boats -- was very comfortable, the food good, the weather fine & warm, & the countryside full of interest, including a boat ride to see some 100 seals basking in the sun on Blakeney Point on the North Sea & a visit to an award-winning, ecologically sound (wind turbine, planted roof, etc.) Norfolk Wildlife Trust building overlooking more saltmarshes full of birds.

Roy's cataract surgery was successful & he will have his new glasses soon. The stairlift, which was installed about 3 weeks ago, is the joy of his life. Because of the bend in the staircase that slows it down considerably, the ride takes 1 min 50 sec -- longer than Roy's walking time of about 1 min -- but he doesn't mind.

I had my first chemo in tablet form last Wednesday. I still have to go to the hospital for it, as it can't be supplied without the necessary blood tests beforehand, but I can swallow it in seconds instead of sitting the 45 min or so necessary for intravenous administration. I have noticed recently that my hair has thinned considerably, & when I mentioned it to the chemo nurses they said they'd refer me for a wig (on the NHS). My chemo isn't supposed to cause great hair loss & it hasn't, but I've noticed a lot more falling hairs around my face & shoulders, & some patches on the top of both sides of my head show quite a bit of pink scalp. I had an appointment with a wigmaker in Ipswich on Monday & walked out topped so well that Roy & a friend here for the night thought I had just been to the hairdresser, nothing more!! I'm not wearing it all the time, but it'll be handy when I need instant glamour & when it gets cold.

So things are ticking on rather well at the moment. Thanks for all your e-mails & notes, which are wonderfully supportive.

30 August 2009

Hooray! An x-ray on Friday (28th August) showed no further spread of the tumour in my right lung, so I continue with my chemo every two weeks (now by pill) and don't see my specialist again until November. And Roy's cataract surgery on Monday went very well, taking only four hours from the time we left home for the hospital till we got back. He's on drops three times a day for a month and then sees an optician about a new prescription. He can already read much better than he could before the surgery.

Our stair lift is being installed on Thursday and that will deal with the problem of Roy's knees on the stairs. Kate and Chris have been here for the weekend and today we took Roy to Ipswich, where he had a gentle stroll down at the marina (regenerated docks for those who know the area) before lunch at a seafood restaurant.

We're off to Blakeney for our short break on 7th September. When Roy and I used to come to England in September (after Harper's sales conferences in August) we often had glorious weather so let's hope for the same this year.

19 August 2009

I can't believe it's been more than 6 weeks since my last entry. Roy & I are much the same as reported then in general health terms. He is having cataract surgery on Monday, 24 August, something he's been waiting for for some time. He should be in good shape after that for our little break at the Blakeney Hotel in Norfolk the week of 7 September. David & Gillian Gadsby are going as well, so we'll have company in looking around. I don't think we'll keep company with many of the birdwatchers (especially twitchers) the area is so popular with, but it's a beautiful area crammed with lots of interesting things from stately homes & sandy beaches to gorgeous seafood, churches & a steam railway line. I note in 'Literary Norfolk' that Jack Higgins was a guest in our hotel, where he got the setting for the opening scene of 'The Eagle has Landed', so we won't be without literary associations. (I have just finished Hilary Mantel's 'Wolf Hall' & have been submerged in over 600 intense pages of the Tudor period & need some light relief.)

We had had no offers on the house since it went on the market a year ago, so last week we decided to remain at 77 High St until somebody makes us an offer we can't refuse. (I have spent a lot of time recently clearing out cupboards, closets, chests, even rooms of accumulations over the past 30 years & will keep going until we are pared down to a bare minimum.) Today we bought a stairlift & that will make a big difference for Roy's knee problems in general, but especially if I am unwell & he has to bring me food & drink in bed. Let's hope our health remains stable. We are both receiving excellent care of all sorts on the NHS. Any difficulties seem to be administrative ones, not medical. (I see my lung oncologist on 28 August for the first time in 3 months & my breast people on 3 October.)

Thanks to all of you who remembered my obsession with 'Mastering the Art of French Cooking' & have let me know that Meryl Streep IS Julia Child in 'Julie & Julia'. (But is it a good movie?? It opens here on 11 September.) Kate had already bought the book & read it, as she remembered sitting beside her teddy bear & watching the TV show while we were living in Kips Bay. At a librarians' conference in Washington recently she skipped out of a meeting early to visit Julia's own kitchen in the Smithsonian, but alas no postcards. But Julia is still very much with us even in the UK. Just this morning on a BBC program that was nothing to do with the movie, a chef referred to that wonderful moment when she dropped a chicken to the floor while transferring it to a serving platter & without batting an eye looked straight at the camera & said 'Remember that you are in the kitchen on your own.'

So you needn't worry about changing all your data about us yet. And we are happy to entertain visitors at any time.

4th July 2009

On Sunday, 21 June, Kate, Chris, Roy & I celebrated the solstice by eating lunch in the garden, although the sun soon retired & I had to put on a warm jacket. In contrast, today is a scorcher, as it's been for the last week, as you may have noted if watching Wimbledon tennis. Fortunately it really cools off at night, & with curtains drawn during the day & excellent cross-ventilation as you can get in these timber-framed houses there is no problem sleeping.

Once a month Roy & I have his & her hospital appointments together in Stowmarket: he a 2 hour infusion to replace lost bone calcium & I my 30 minute vinorelbine chemo. I also have a chemo session on my own in between. I continue with my daily anti-oestrogen tablets for the breast cancer. I see my breast consultant next week & my lung man in late August for routine checkups. Recently I had a severe attack of vertigo, which wasn't attributed to anything drastic & seems to have cleared up, & I continue to have a great deal of dry eye discomfort that none of the magic potions I've been prescribed have improved. Fortunately, carbomer (a gel) & hot water compresses enable me to get by. I may be able to change my anti-oestrogen tablets, as dry eye is one of the side effects of the letrozole I'm presently taking.

Roy's left knee (the really bad one) played up recently but has now improved. (He can't have a replacement because of his heart problems.) He walks everywhere with his stick, even around the house, & can't walk any distance. We talked of a French river cruise south of Lyon, as that would have given him a bit of sightseeing while lounging about (& maybe some good food), but our ages & health problems combined to make the two of us too toxic a package to arrange travel insurance & no tour will accept you without it. (I really worked on this but it defeated me; details on request.) At the moment we are talking of driving to the north Norfolk coast for a few days in the next couple of months.

Meanwhile, the tennis at Wimbledon has been especially good this year, & we are presently in the middle of a heatwave. Schools close the middle of July, when we look forward to a visit from Harry & family plus Janet & Margaret.

Have a good summer!

PS No interest in the house. Perhaps we'll have to let the shop & our living accommodation & rent a bungalow (single story) here in Needham. Gabriel (10 years old in just over a week) has had a short story of under 50 words published in a collection of school fiction! Thanks to those who sponsored Kate in her Cancer Research UK walk; she did very well in every way. Yes, I'm following the story of South Carolina's governor -- !

12 June 2009

Hello to everyone. It’s Kate here and I’m hijacking Mom’s blog to let you all know that I’m doing a 5km sponsored walk/jog/run later this month in aid of Cancer Research UK. Cancer Research UK is the world’s leading independent organisation dedicated to cancer research. I’m doing it with some friends, Tracy and Emma. For full details please go to:
http://www.raceforlifesponsorme.org/tracydriver2

Think of me in Richmond Park on 28 June!

13 May 2009

Thanks to all of you for your queries about how Roy & I have been getting on. Remember that when there are no major headlines I tend to write nothing, so keep assuming that no news is good news. Also, for the past 3 weeks we have been quite busy with a steady flow of visitors from the UK, US & France, so I've been having too much fun to spend time at the computer.

The house is still on the market but we've had only one viewer since January. Because we're both feeling much better at the moment, selling it doesn't seem as pressing a matter as it did 4 or 5 months ago, thank heavens.

After a recent bone scan Roy saw his oncologist, who thinks the current pace of his prostate cancer is not as aggressive as a few months ago. He is benefitting enormously from a weekly 2 hour balance clinic (one to one with a physio) that's improved his muscle strength & taught him a lot about walking & falling safely . We have had occupational & physio therapists all over the house sorting out hand grips at doors & steps & supplying a perch stool to sit on in the kitchen while preparing food & a support at the side of the bed to help in getting up -- all supplied by the National Health Service. We are both having another neck & back massage tomorrow in the alternative therapy section of the oncology unit at Ipswich Hospital.

I saw my breast oncologist 2 weeks ago & she is very pleased with the decrease in the size of the tumours & hopes that the medication will eliminate them. By the way, my medication ( a daily pill) is not oestrogen as I thought it was but an oestrogen inhibitor (an aromatose inhibitor that blocks the production of oestrogen in the body) called letrozole. Unfortunately, one of its innumerable side effects is an increase in dry eye problems, a condition I've had for years that's been steadily worsening. If worse comes to worse, another inhibitor may be necessary but the consultant wants to stick with letrozole for the present.

The next scheduled appointment with my lung oncologist isn't until early September. Until then I continue with my chemo sessions of 45mg of vinorelbine every 2 weeks. I feel fine generally but I need a lot of sleep at night plus little rests during the day & a proper nap as well. I can handle a gentle walk of about an hour (in a lovely bluebell wood several weeks ago & in a gorgeous nearby woodland with 15 ft high rhododendrons & azaleas, the end of the camellias, & other spring-flowering things) & a stint of 2 to 3 hours sorting books at the charity shop where I help.

So things are looking pretty good at the moment. We had hoped to have a few days on the continent in the spring but now we'll probably have to wait till the autumn. We hope to have more guests here before then, so come see us. We can do lunch, tea, even full board & local excursions for willing workers!

Sunday 5 April 2009

Great news on Friday when I saw my oncologist Dr Podd. The original tumour in my right lung has shrunk still further & there is no further spread elsewhere in the lungs. And my next appointment with him is not until September!! I'll continue with my very mild chemo sessions (45mg of vinorelbine) lasting about 30 minutes every 2 weeks (or 3 weeks if I should be abroad on holiday). I don't see my other oncologist, Dr Smith, about the lumps in my breasts until 27 April, but they have also reduced in size & density, so the oestrogen tablets seem to have been working well. This is the best possible result we could have hoped for & I'm still dazed by it.

In spite of lots of phone calls, we are still waiting for treatment of Roy's symptoms I mentioned a week ago. Meanwhile, social services have done wonderful things for him: a splendid throne-like perch stool for the kitchen & grips at various steps arount the house to steady him & prevent falls; an exercise list to strengthen leg & ankle muscles, which he has already lost (if only they could do the exercises for him); a district nurse who's been to the house for dressing a small leg wound; etc. Stuff like this isn't always attended to so promptly & I'm also dazed by such service.

On Thursday Roy & I enjoyed neck & head massages which are part of the alternative therapy offerings in Ipswich Hospital's cancer unit. We also have discovered a picturesque new route to the hospital that's bursting with spring blossom & growth, so it hasn't been too bad a week.

30 March 2009

No blog updates for some time because there has been no definite new health news & my sister Willa has been with us for just over 6 weeks, during which she & I have been incredibly busy clearing out vast quantities of stuff accumulated over 30 years around the house, garden &. barn. She also accompanied Roy & me on numerous trips to the doctor & hospital; acted as a superior housekeeper & cook, daily cleaner, nannie, cheerer-upper -- I could go on & on. She & I also had a few jolly excursions here & there, & she, Roy & I spent a week in Manchester visiting Harry & family in their new house in the neighbourhood where we plan to move whenever we eventually sell the house in Needham (no offers yet, but that's not surprising in the cuirrent economic situation). Willa returns to South Carolina tomorrow, but she'll be back later in the year!

I am feeling fine except for needing a long nap at least once daily. I finish my current course of chemo for the lungs next week & continue with daily oestrogen for the breast cancer & see my lung specialist on 3 April & the breast specialist on 27 April. Roy, however, has had a bad spell, starting with a fall outside the bathroom in early February, when I had to call a paramedic to get him up & check him out. Since then his knees have gotten much more painful & weak (they need replacement but he can't tolerate the surgery), he walks terribly slowly, his balance is poor & his speech is somewhat slurred. Our local GP has requested an investigative scan for these symptoms but we don't have a date yet. Meanwhile, Roy went swimming in Stowmarket on Sunday with Harry, Kate & Chris & spends several hours a day at the computer on his mail-order book business, so he's still bouncing about.

Kate & Chris & Harry & Helen continue to visit every weekend or so, & lots of local friends come up for a night or so. We also welcome any other visitors who pop in briefly & are happy to accept any sort of help. It's gotten very cold again but at least there are daffodils in abundance & the days are getting longer. Thanks to all of you who read this, write, ring or call. It makes all the difference!!

2 March 2009

I am in the middle of my second lung chemo session & feeling very well, & the oestrogen pills (yes, just estrogen) for the breast cancer are causing no problems. I see consultants for both problems on 3 & 6 April.

Willa has been here for 2 weeks & has made a major difference to Roy's & my daily lives, doing everything from laundry & cooking to cracking jokes & buoying us up -- & there are four more weeks to go before her return to the US!!

Roy has unfortunately not felt very well since his fall some weeks ago, but we hope he'll soon be up to travel to Manchester for a visit with Harry & family in about a week. So we're not doing too badly, if not as well as might have been hoped.

11 February 2009

On Monday I got the final cancer diagnosis on both breasts: the tumours are stage one (the earliest) & treatable by one oestrogen tablet a day, which may shrink the lot. I'll see that specialist again on 3 April, when I also see my lung man after my current chemo session ends, so let's hope it's happy news then!

I'm feeling rather well except for a little cold & the absolutely miserable weather we've been having -- every variation on piercing cold hovering above & below freezing, rain, snow & ice. Roy is recovering only very slowly from his fall. But the cat is better for the moment (it's not the thyroid), Willa flies in on Friday for six (yes!) weeks & the whole family are gathering here for the weekend, so that should be jolly.

5 February 2009

Monday was an eventful day. Roy fell face flat in the hall outside the carpeted bathroom at 8am, his nose bleeding, his cheek badly bruised from his glasses & both his hands (skin unbroken, only slightly puffy & showing my bruises) pulsating with pain. The paramedic I had to call in to get him up did not think any bones were broken & our GP who came in that afternoon (house call!) agreed. But his hands were in constant searing pain, & he winced not only when asked to move them but even when they were lightly touched or he tried to turn the pages of a book. No painkillers of any sort worked either, so we ended up in the Ipswich Hospital emergency room at 2am that night, where an X-ray confirmed no breaks but nothing else & no real diagnosis. He has been in bed or his lounge chair ever since & is recovering very slowly -- now able to pick up a glass for a drink or hold the phone but unable to function properly at the computer keyboard.

Also on Monday I got confirmation of cancer in my right breast but have to wait till 9 February for final word about treatment (hopefully oestrogen pills). I had to have another more carefully targeted bit taken from the left breast for biopsy & the final results of this will not be available until 16 Feb. Meanwhile, I continue on my second course of chemo for the lung cancer for about an hour every other week until just before Palm Sunday. So far it's been as easy as the first time. Our cat, Dizzy (14+), is also awaiting a definite diagnosis. It's probably a thyroid tumour, as diabetes & kidney problems have been ruled out. And so it goes!

Thanks for all your thoughts & prayers. Keep them coming & going.

27 January 2009

A mammogram and ultrasound yesterday confirmed cancer, & the results of a needle biopsy will be given me when I see Dr Smith, my breast oncologist, on Mon, 2 February. It will be another week before I find out whether the cancer will respond to oestrogen treatment, as the doctor hopes, or will require some other treatment.

The really good news is that Willa is coming back to visit in February & that I have heard from so many American friends (as well as English who knew all about it anyway) since I finally got this blog updated. Thanks for your thoughts. Sorry that several of you have been unable to get through to the blog, but I can't help there except to say it works for many & let me know by e-mail to keep you updated.

25 January 2009

I have an appointment tomorrow, Monday, at the breast clinic at Ipswich Hospital for diagnostic tests and hope to have a diagnosis very soon.

17 January 2009

A complete change now, only 4 days later!! On 14 January I discovered a lump on my right breast & saw my GP the next day, who immediately faxed my oncologist. So now I'm waiting once again for what happens next, as I don't know what the procedure is & I haven't been able to speak with my specialist nurse at the hospital. This sort of break in my story is what I avoided previously by waiting to write until I thought something was settled.

13 January 2009

Sorry for the long delay in putting any real material on this blog, but I kept waiting until I
had something more definite to say.

First, the bad news. In late August when I was in accident & emergency in Ipswich for a gastro-intestinal problem that had started in March when the clocks changed, a spot on my right lung showed up on an x-ray. By the middle of September after a bronchoscopy & a CT scan I was diagnosed with non-small cell lung cancer that had spread to both lungs, as well as the base of the spine, so that only chemotherapy to slow down the cancer perhaps and then general palliative care are possible. The lung people said my time was months, but the oncologist was much more optimistic, speaking of a similar case still being treated after 2 years.

The good news is that I am in no pain & am functioning rather well physically. I get tired very easily & need at least one nap a day in addition to a long night's sleep. And I haven't been able to concentrate on reading anything except newspapers & magazines. After a course of easy chemo(little nausea, no hair loss), in mid December a CT scan showed shrinkage of the original tumor, no further spread of the cancer cells & elimination of some liquid from the lungs. I start another coourse of the same chemo on 21 January, & Dr Podd (my consultant) suggests a sunny holiday!

Since early spring Roy has had a number of health problems as well, from severe gout to bad knee joints, & a rising PSA count shows his prostate cancer is on the move. He has regular hormone injections & also infusions to replace calcium lost from the bones. We are both being treated as advanced cancer patients & share a Macmillan nurse (a special cancer nurse who helps in lots of practical ways & makes house calls).

The tool dealer who rented the shop for a some 3 years left for larger premises at the end of September. Roy is still selling new books as well as secondhand & antiquarian books from his web site by post & to personal callers at the house. We put the house on the market in July with the intention of moving to Manchester. However, it is a very complicated sale item as it involves both commercial & domestic usage at the moment & the local government planners don't want to lose any more shops in the High St, whereas most interest we've had is for just living quarters. It may take several years, especially in the present financial situation.

The children & all our friends have been wonderful with visits, food parcels & all sorts of psychological & hands-on care. Willa visited for a month in October, when we celebrated my 77th birthday with a knock-out lunch for 40 plus in the old showroom & office, & the whole family gathered for 5 splendid days at Christmas.